Toxic Teams Aren’t Rare - But They Can Be Fixed
Are you struggling with difficult team members? Wondering if your team might be toxic – and what that even means?
Dealing with difficult people and managing team dynamics can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. With a little knowledge, insight, and practical application, you can start turning things around.
The first – and very important – thing to know about toxic teams is that they’re more common than you think. That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or that we should tolerate harmful behaviours, but it is normal for teams to experience some toxicity from time to time.
Secondly, toxic behaviours often emerge when people feel powerless or frustrated. Taking the time to understand what’s driving those feelings isn’t a waste – it’s a crucial step in reducing future issues. When we understand the root cause, we can respond more effectively and create lasting change.
Left unchecked, toxicity can damage trust, reduce productivity, and harm team well-being. If we want to build thriving, high-performing teams, we have to be willing to acknowledge and address toxic behaviours head-on.
Four Common Toxic Behaviours
Based on the research of John Gottman from The Gottman Institute, here are four common toxic communication styles and how to address them:
Blame / Criticism
Description: Unlike a complaint, which addresses a specific action, criticism or blame targets the person rather than the behaviour. This often leads to making assumptions about the person's intentions or character.
Example: Jack is always late, leading to the assumption that he doesn't take his job seriously or respect others. In reality, Jack might just have poor time management skills.
Antidote:
COIN (Context, Observation, Impact, Next): Address the behaviour you don’t like and ask for what you want instead. Use "I" statements to avoid making the other person feel attacked.
Context: What is the context of the problem behaviour?
Observation: Where did you observe it?
Impact: What was the impact of the behaviour (on you)?
Next: What changes are requested next?
Example: “In the meeting, you made some negative comments about our client (Context and Observation). I felt like you were misleading the junior staff without the full picture (Impact). In the future, please discuss your concerns with me one-on-one (Next).”
Soft Start-Up: Avoid harsh, emotionally charged communications. Instead, approach the person at a convenient time and set a respectful tone for the conversation.
Example: Instead of berating Paul in front of the staff, Sue could request a private meeting to discuss her concerns about the email.
#2 Defensiveness
Description: Criticism often leads to defensive behaviour. When being defensive there is often no attempt to move to problem solving. It is more a stand-off. Defence is really another way of blaming by saying 'it's not me, it's you. The other person then doesn't feel heard, and the person defending gets into justifying/ blaming behaviour. Defence is refusing to own your behaviour or victimizing yourself, as you may not yet know how to deal with your shortcomings.
Antidote:
Curiosity: Take an inquisitive interest in others’ concerns and ask questions. Have a desire and courage to investigate and learn about yourself and what is going on rather than problem solve or correct.
2% Truth: Sometimes we react because we can’t really identify at all with the criticism, try to see where the other person is coming from and understand their view point- even if it is only 2%!
#3 Stonewalling
Description: Are you the person that just shuts down or doesn't engage? That is stonewalling and it includes cutting off communication, silent treatment, refusal to engage, withdrawal and in milder forms just been reluctant to express your thoughts. The desire of the person stonewalling is to feel safe, but it is toxic because there is no way for the relationship to move towards problem solving as connection is cut.
Antidotes:
Transparency: You have a voice- speak up, take responsibility and be honest about how you are feeling. Check for emotional overwhelm and if this is present take a time out.
Get mediation: Create safety by getting a third party in to mediate and encourage the person to so speak up past their fears.
#4 Contempt
Description: Contempt includes sarcasm, belittling, name calling, and hostile humour and is often a direct put down of another person. This happens when we are feeling powerless or inferior and makes us falsely feel more in control or superior. This toxic behaviour causes high stress to the receiver and the giver. It is the most toxic of all the styles.
Antidotes:
Personal development: Contempt is highly damaging to both giver and receiver, so seek to develop yourself and how you communicate.
Practice respectful communication: Be willing to resolve conflict without name calling.
COIN (Context, Observation, Impact, Next). See Blame antidote for further explanation.
Creating a Healthy Team Environment
Now you are aware of the toxins you can create agreements within your team of how to deal with them when they are present.
EDUCATE your team on the 4 toxic behaviours.
NAME the toxins when they are present and create permission within the team call them out.
AGREE as a team how to deal with the toxic behaviours using the antidotes above.
COMMUNICATE and understand the frustration and feeling behind the attack. This way you will get to the root cause of the behaviour and the relationships within the team will be strengthened through this clean communication. Do not gossip, keep communication clean and honest.
By addressing toxic behaviours and fostering a culture of open communication, you can transform a toxic team into a cohesive and productive one.
